Today another day working on the three 40/40 cm paintings. I recognized today that I was already getting a bit more in the ‘this has to become a good piece’-mode, but then after that I dropped that and just happily painted along, without too much pressure on it. Again for a short time (too much other work that is calling me).
I realized that the longer I paint daily, the less I care if I make something ‘good’. Since I promised myself to paint daily paradoxically the pressure goes of. I don’t think in product, I think in process. The only important thing is that I show up. I can’t control the outcome, but i can control (within limits) that I show up. And if I do, I can be content.
The question is then: do I make worse art by being not too attached? I think not: because I am not too invested I can paint more freely. I still am using my intuition and I make still decisions on whatever I feel. What color shall I pick? What marks shall I make? Where does the painting looks boring? But I worry less about if these decisions will turn out right. The most important thing is that I stay in the process.
Some days I can feel this more easy then other days (like today). I think when a painting starts to come together it is more difficult. The risks of spoiling the thing get bigger. I am still learning to let go!